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Psychologists Reveal Phrases That Make People Sound Like Crybabies Who Just Want to Yell at Clouds

By Hugh Jass


In a groundbreaking study that the GOP will probably refuse to read, psychologists have revealed that the use of certain phrases is a glaring indicator of emotional immaturity among Republicans. If you catch your conservative friend using these lines, just know: you’re not witnessing a policy genius, you’re witnessing a grown adult who’s still throwing temper tantrums because they lost at Monopoly.


1. “I’m just being honest.”


Translation: “I’m about to say something rude and I’m pretending it’s an act of bravery.” Spoiler alert: honesty doesn’t mean spewing every offensive thought you have like a toddler with a megaphone. Maybe leave a little room for tact? Nah, who needs it?


2. “People are too sensitive these days.”


Translation: “I said something offensive and I’m mad no one is letting me get away with it.” Newsflash: If the entire world isn’t laughing at your “jokes,” maybe it’s not their sensitivity, but your lack of understanding that’s the issue.


3. “I tell it like it is.”


Translation: “I’m terrible at making friends, but I’d rather pretend I’m a truth-teller than confront why everyone avoids me at parties.” Being blunt is not the same as being right, and you can’t just walk around punching people in the face with your opinions.


4. “It’s just a joke.”


Translation: “I just said something that probably shouldn’t have been said, but I’m too lazy to apologize, so here’s my get-out-of-jail-free card.” If you’re still explaining your “jokes,” maybe it wasn’t funny in the first place—shocker, I know.


5. “Everyone’s entitled to their opinion.”


Translation: “I know my opinion is terrible, but you’re supposed to just nod along and pretend it’s okay.” Yes, you can have your opinion, but guess what? That doesn’t protect you from being called out when it’s dumb.


6. “I’m not racist, but…”


Translation: “I’m about to say something that makes me sound like a walking stereotype, but trust me, I’m not one of the bad ones.” Spoiler: Anything that starts with “I’m not racist” is definitely about to be incredibly racist. Just stop.


7. “You can’t say anything anymore.”


Translation: “I miss the good ol’ days when I could say whatever I wanted and still get a pat on the back.” Guess what? We’re all allowed to call out your nonsense now, and it’s going to feel a lot like consequences—don’t like it? Too bad.


8. “Back in my day…”


Translation: “I’m so stuck in the past that I have a permanent crick in my neck.” Times change, grandpa. Get over it. Maybe instead of talking about how great things were in the olden days, try evolving just a tiny bit?


9. “I’m not sexist, but…”


Translation: “I’m about to say something so outdated, even the ‘50s would be like, ‘Come on, man, not cool.’” If you’re setting up to say something with this line, we already know: you’re about to embarrass yourself. Just don’t.


10. “That’s just how I was raised.”


Translation: “I have no intention of changing because I’ve decided to blame my past for my shortcomings.” Newsflash: being raised poorly is not a free pass to be a jerk for life. Time to grow up and stop blaming your childhood for your current inability to function like a decent human being.


So, the next time you hear a Republican toss out any of these gems, just know: you’re not getting a hard-hitting political stance, you’re getting a toddler in a man’s suit. Maybe encourage them to consider a different hobby, like, I don’t know, learning to be an actual grown-up.



 
 
 

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