Houston Musician Declares New Song “Best Ever,” Mom Declares It “Worst Thing I’ve Ever Heard”

By Buster McChord, Houston Throb Staff Writer

HOUSTON, TX — Local solo artist Jake Cowherd, frontman of his one-man experimental project Luminora Venefica, recently had his confidence shaken after sending his latest instrumental track, Deceivora, to his most brutally honest critic: his mom.

The response was less than glowing.

“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard,” said Mrs. Cowherd in a statement so blunt it could break a metronome. “It sounds like a poor man’s Otto von Schirach, but without the charm. I raised Jake better than this.”

For the uninitiated, Otto von Schirach is a Miami-based experimental electronic musician known for chaotic, mind-bending tracks blending noise, beats, and complex rhythms. Mrs. Cowherd’s comparison wasn’t meant as a compliment.

“When she said poor man’s Otto von Schirach, I thought she was joking,” said Jake, visibly shaken as he adjusted his synthesizer. “But no. She really meant it. She said the song sounded like someone trying to simulate a panic attack with a keyboard. I was hoping for a little more support from my mom.”

“Deceivora”: A Masterpiece in the Artist’s Eyes

Jake describes Deceivora as a genre-defying masterpiece that combines “the raw chaos of industrial noise” with “the emotional vulnerability of a malfunctioning microwave.”

“It’s got layers,” Jake explained. “You might not get it on the first listen—or the 50th—but that’s the point. I wanted to challenge the listener, you know? Push the boundaries of what instrumental music can be.”

His mom, however, felt the boundaries were pushed straight into a ditch.

“The only boundary it pushed was my patience,” she said. “It’s like someone took the sound of a broken blender and looped it for five minutes. I’m all for experimentation, but this is just noise for the sake of noise.”

The Family Fallout

Jake admitted the criticism from his mom stung. “She’s usually my biggest supporter,” he said. “She even told me my first EP, Mood Swamp Chronicles, was ‘pretty okay,’ and that’s high praise from her.”

But this time, there was no sugarcoating. “I told him, ‘Jake, honey, I know you’re trying to be edgy, but there’s a fine line between avant-garde and avant-garbage,’” Mrs. Cowherd said, shaking her head. “I mean, I’ve heard wind chimes in a thunderstorm sound more melodic than this.”

Jake’s Defiant Response

Despite the harsh feedback, Jake remains undeterred. “Look, not everyone’s going to understand my music,” he said. “Even my own mom. But that’s the price of being an artist. Van Gogh wasn’t appreciated in his time either.”

When asked if comparing himself to Van Gogh might be a stretch, Jake shrugged. “Look, I’m not saying I’m Van Gogh,” he said. “But I am saying Deceivora could be my ‘Starry Night.’ If people don’t get it now, they will eventually. Probably.”

What’s Next for Luminora Venefica?

Jake is already hard at work on his next project, which he says will be a “33-minute sonic exploration of Houston’s traffic noise” titled Bayou Jam: Honk If You’re Sad. He also plans to release a live recording of his performance at a local laundromat, where he played a set entirely on dryer doors.

“I’m not afraid to take risks,” Jake said proudly.

Mrs. Cowherd, however, had a more grounded take. “I’m proud of him for following his dreams,” she said. “I just wish those dreams didn’t sound like an electrical fire.”

Jake plans to continue sending his mom new songs, though he admits he might label the next one as a “rough draft” to soften the blow. “She’s honest, but maybe too honest,” he said. “She’s my harshest critic and my biggest inspiration. But I really hope she never hears Moodcore Disco Inferno. She might disown me for that one.”