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THE HOUSTON THROB


Trump and Musk to Marry in Historic Billionaire Union, Still Fighting Over Last Name
By Rich E. Luv, The Daily Throb MAR-A-LAGO —In a twist that absolutely no one saw coming, President Donald Trump and Elon Musk have...
Feb 263 min read


Texas Bans Electric Cars, Citing Fears of “Electromagnetic Chaos”
By Chuck Torque, Energy and Infrastructure Correspondent In a controversial move, Texas lawmakers have officially banned the sale and...
Feb 112 min read


Google Maps Initiates Renaming Spree Under President Trump’s Directive
Google Maps Initiates Renaming Spree Under President Trump’s Directive By Libby Teague, Patriot Branding Correspondent In a bold move to...
Feb 112 min read


Burgergate: Fast Food Chains Caught Secretly Adding Kale to Beef—And People Are Accidentally Healthier
By Patty O’Malley | The Daily Throb A shocking new report has revealed that major fast food chains have been secretly sneaking kale into...
Feb 112 min read


Vegan Company Unveils Spoilable Plant-Based Meat So Everyone Can Experience Food Poisoning
By Sal Monella HOUSTON — In a groundbreaking move for plant-based cuisine, vegan food startup SimuSick™ has announced a revolutionary...
Feb 102 min read


Study Confirms: Waitresses Just Want to Make a Living, Not Hear Your Creepy Comments
By Tippi Well – The Daily Throb HOUSTON – Groundbreaking new research has confirmed what waitresses at bars and restaurants have known...
Feb 82 min read


Seance Reveals Martin Luther King Jr. Would Never Have Voted for Trump
By Paige Tuner– The Daily Throb ATLANTA – In an unprecedented and otherworldly event, a group of self-proclaimed mediums held a séance...
Feb 82 min read


Woman Sues The Babylon Bee After Article Hurts Her Feelings
By Sue Ann Noyed – The Daily Throb ATLANTA – In what legal experts are calling a bold new frontier in emotional litigation , a local...
Feb 82 min read


New Study Finds 90% of Online Debates End in Someone Calling the Other Person a Nazi
By Al Beback, Senior Internet Historian HOUSTON — A groundbreaking new study from the Institute of Digital Discourse has confirmed what...
Feb 82 min read


Elon Musk Introduces Tesla That Can Only Be Driven By Verified X Users
By Otto Von Feablie, Senior Tech & Totally Not a Bot Reporter AUSTIN, TX — In his latest attempt to merge his various business ventures...
Feb 82 min read


New Netflix Policy Charges Users for Thinking About Watching a Show
By Hugh Betta, Senior Streaming Correspondent LOS GATOS, CA — In a move that has both stunned and bankrupted subscribers, Netflix has...
Feb 82 min read


People Fed Up with Satire Websites Because They Actually Have to Read the Articles
By Brock Lee, Senior Literacy Analyst HOUSTON — In a shocking turn of events, people across the country are expressing their frustration...
Feb 82 min read


Marvel Announces 73 New Movies to Be Released Next Friday
By Brock Hype, Entertainment Correspondent BURBANK, CA — In an unprecedented move that has left fans and theaters alike in utter...
Feb 83 min read


“Someone Great” by LCD Soundsystem Wins Grammy for Best Unsuspecting Sad Song
By Mel Ancholy – The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES – In a historic first, the Recording Academy has introduced a new category honoring songs...
Feb 82 min read


Grammys Introduce New Category for ‘Best Song You’ve Heard 3,000 Times on TikTok’
By Melody Harmon– The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES – The Recording Academy has finally embraced the inevitable by introducing a brand-new...
Feb 82 min read


New Horror Movie So Scary That Viewers Required to Sign Waiver Before Watching
By Drew Blood, Senior Horror Correspondent HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a move that has both terrified and intrigued moviegoers, a new horror film...
Feb 83 min read


TikTok Algorithm Now So Powerful It Can Predict Your Mood Before You Have It
By Cy Billings, Senior Predictive Analytics Correspondent BEIJING (via Houston) — A new report reveals that TikTok’s AI-driven algorithm...
Feb 82 min read


Y2K Actually Happened, and We’ve Been Living in an Alternate Timeline Ever Since
By Manny Festation For years, conspiracy theorists have speculated that something felt off about the 21st century. Turns out, they might...
Feb 82 min read


Real Estate Agent Begs Homeowner to Stop Living Like a Goblin Before Listing House
By Buck Rivers Local real estate agent Kelly Dawson is considering a career change—possibly something less stressful, like lion...
Feb 23 min read


U.S. to Outlaw All Satire Websites, Citing ‘Too Many People Believe The Onion’
By Paige Turner In a shocking yet completely believable move, the U.S. government has announced plans to outlaw all satire websites ,...
Feb 21 min read
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