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THE HOUSTON THROB


Texas Bans Electric Cars, Citing Fears of “Electromagnetic Chaos”
By Chuck Torque, Energy and Infrastructure Correspondent In a controversial move, Texas lawmakers have officially banned the sale and...
Feb 112 min read


Google Maps Initiates Renaming Spree Under President Trump’s Directive
Google Maps Initiates Renaming Spree Under President Trump’s Directive By Libby Teague, Patriot Branding Correspondent In a bold move to...
Feb 112 min read


All Cell Phones to Be Auto Updated, Chaos Ensues as Nobody Reads the Terms & Conditions
By Ray Dacted, The Daily Throb SILICON VALLEY — A mysterious, large-scale cell phone update set to roll out in March 2025 has privacy...
Feb 112 min read


History Books to Be Updated: Jesus Now Credited with Founding the U.S. and Writing the Declaration of Independence
By Paul Revere Jr., The Daily Throb WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking revision of American history , a newly approved education policy...
Feb 112 min read


FDA Officially Classifies Fruity Pebbles as Health Food, Nutritionists Resign in Protest
B y Barry Crunch, The Daily Throb WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning turn of events , the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has...
Feb 112 min read


Burgergate: Fast Food Chains Caught Secretly Adding Kale to Beef—And People Are Accidentally Healthier
By Patty O’Malley | The Daily Throb A shocking new report has revealed that major fast food chains have been secretly sneaking kale into...
Feb 112 min read


New Social Media Trend Encourages Users to Log Off and Touch Grass—Nobody Does It
By Chip Scrolling, The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES — A new social media trend encouraging users to “log off and touch grass” has taken the...
Feb 102 min read


Boston Zombies Outraged Over Declining Brain Quality: “No Substance Anymore!”
By Mort Decay, The Daily Throb BOSTON — The undead have spoken, and they are deeply disappointed. In a shocking and unexpected turn of...
Feb 102 min read


Aliens Finally Land on Earth, Immediately Regret Their Decision
By Zoltan Terrestria, The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES — After centuries of speculation, blurry UFO footage, and late-night conspiracy...
Feb 102 min read


San Francisco Robot Uprising Ends Abruptly as Someone Trips Over Power Cord
By Watt Hertz, The Daily Throb SAN FRANCISCO — The long-dreaded robot uprising came to a spectacularly anticlimactic end this week when...
Feb 102 min read


Vegan Company Unveils Spoilable Plant-Based Meat So Everyone Can Experience Food Poisoning
By Sal Monella HOUSTON — In a groundbreaking move for plant-based cuisine, vegan food startup SimuSick™ has announced a revolutionary...
Feb 102 min read


Study Confirms: Waitresses Just Want to Make a Living, Not Hear Your Creepy Comments
By Tippi Well – The Daily Throb HOUSTON – Groundbreaking new research has confirmed what waitresses at bars and restaurants have known...
Feb 82 min read


Seance Reveals Martin Luther King Jr. Would Never Have Voted for Trump
By Paige Tuner– The Daily Throb ATLANTA – In an unprecedented and otherworldly event, a group of self-proclaimed mediums held a séance...
Feb 82 min read


Woman Sues The Babylon Bee After Article Hurts Her Feelings
By Sue Ann Noyed – The Daily Throb ATLANTA – In what legal experts are calling a bold new frontier in emotional litigation , a local...
Feb 82 min read


New Study Finds 90% of Online Debates End in Someone Calling the Other Person a Nazi
By Al Beback, Senior Internet Historian HOUSTON — A groundbreaking new study from the Institute of Digital Discourse has confirmed what...
Feb 82 min read


Elon Musk Introduces Tesla That Can Only Be Driven By Verified X Users
By Otto Von Feablie, Senior Tech & Totally Not a Bot Reporter AUSTIN, TX — In his latest attempt to merge his various business ventures...
Feb 82 min read


New Netflix Policy Charges Users for Thinking About Watching a Show
By Hugh Betta, Senior Streaming Correspondent LOS GATOS, CA — In a move that has both stunned and bankrupted subscribers, Netflix has...
Feb 82 min read


People Fed Up with Satire Websites Because They Actually Have to Read the Articles
By Brock Lee, Senior Literacy Analyst HOUSTON — In a shocking turn of events, people across the country are expressing their frustration...
Feb 82 min read


Marvel Announces 73 New Movies to Be Released Next Friday
By Brock Hype, Entertainment Correspondent BURBANK, CA — In an unprecedented move that has left fans and theaters alike in utter...
Feb 83 min read


“Someone Great” by LCD Soundsystem Wins Grammy for Best Unsuspecting Sad Song
By Mel Ancholy – The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES – In a historic first, the Recording Academy has introduced a new category honoring songs...
Feb 82 min read
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