Marvel Announces 73 New Movies to Be Released Next Friday
- Brock Hype
- Feb 8
- 3 min read
By Brock Hype, Entertainment Correspondent
BURBANK, CA — In an unprecedented move that has left fans and theaters alike in utter disbelief, Marvel Studios has announced it will release 73 new movies next Friday—yes, next Friday.
“This is what the fans have been waiting for,” said Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige, his voice barely audible over the sound of a team of interns scrambling to finish CGI for a literal army of new superhero films. “We’ve heard your complaints that there’s not enough content, so we’re addressing it in a big way. We’re not just giving you sequels, we’re giving you everything.”
What to Expect
Each of the 73 movies will feature a completely new hero or villain, with Marvel introducing a never-before-seen cast of characters from their expanded multiverse. Notable titles include:
• Captain Quantum’s Day Off
• Ant-Man and the Return of the Quantum Realm, Again
• Black Panther: Vibranium in Space
• The Incredible Hulk vs. Godzilla (Because why not?)
• Thor 6: God of Wi-Fi
• Spider-Man: The Web That Never Ends
• Doctor Strange and the Infinite Loopholes
• Loki and the Multiversal Dumpster Fire
• The Guardians of the New Galactic Franchise
Fans are already calling it a “movie marathon on steroids”, as the films will span literally every possible genre, from space operas to high school rom-coms.
Why Next Friday?
Marvel’s announcement came with no warning, leaving critics questioning how 73 movies could possibly be ready for release in such a short time. Sources within the studio suggest that the films are being finalized using a new AI program, capable of spitting out scripts, CGI, and soundtracks in record time—a tool Marvel has dubbed “CinemaBot 3000.”
“We just hit a button, and it’s like the movies make themselves now,” said an anonymous Marvel intern. “It’s a lot of really good, really not thought-out stuff. But hey, we’re moving fast, and the fans love fast.”
The Logistics
Theaters are understandably in panic mode, with many asking if they can even accommodate 73 movies all on the same day. Industry experts have said that most theaters will need to convert their bathrooms into screening rooms to accommodate the sheer volume of films being released.
But according to Marvel’s team, the movies will be available on every platform imaginable, from IMAX to TikTok, ensuring that even the most casual fans can keep up. “We’re democratizing cinema,” said Feige. “Everyone’s getting a movie, even if they don’t want one.”
Is This Too Much?
While fans are thrilled by the sheer audacity of Marvel’s plan, some are beginning to wonder if they’re getting too much of a good thing.
“I’m not sure I can keep up with this many new Marvel movies,” said Houston local Amanda Nerdson. “I haven’t even finished watching the last 10 Spider-Man reboots, and now I have 73 more to deal with? It’s overwhelming.”
Still, others argue that the more movies, the better. “I can’t wait for the Captain Quantum prequel about his high school years,” said diehard Marvel fan Kevin Maguire. “I’m in for all of it.”
At press time, Marvel had just announced another 40 movies that will be released the following Friday, including a surprise crossover event where all 73 heroes will fight the multiverse’s biggest threat: the film industry’s collapsing box office.
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