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THE HOUSTON THROB


Houston Woman Marries Alexa in Unlikely Ceremony
By Crystal Clear In an unexpected turn of events that left wedding planners and tech enthusiasts scratching their heads, Houston resident...
Jan 302 min read


U.S. National Anthem to Be Rewritten in Black Metal Style for “More Intensity and Fury”
By Frostbite McScreech, The Houston Throb In a move that’s left both music enthusiasts and patriots puzzled, the United States government...
Jan 302 min read


Texans Reveal Bold Strategy: “What If We Actually Tried to Win Next Year?”
By Gridiron Gary, The Houston Throb In a shocking press conference that left fans both baffled and excited, the Houston Texans unveiled...
Jan 302 min read


City Announces New Seasonal Calendar: “Hot, Less Hot, Slightly Cold for 36 Hours, Then Back to Hot”
By Sunny Burns After years of debate, Houston officials have finally abandoned traditional seasons in favor of a more “realistic”...
Jan 302 min read


City Launches “Adopt a Pothole” Program After Running Out of Repair Funds
In a bold new initiative, Houston officials have introduced an “Adopt a Pothole” program, allowing residents to take personal ownership...
Jan 301 min read


Space Center Houston Launches VR Simulation Where You Can Experience the Thrill of Being an Unpaid NASA Intern
HOUSTON — Space Center Houston has unveiled a groundbreaking new VR experience that lets visitors step into the high-stakes world of a...
Jan 301 min read


Harris County to Replace All Street Signs with Emojis in Bold Move Toward “Universal Language”
By Paige Turner In an effort to modernize and simplify navigation, Harris County officials have announced a plan to replace all...
Jan 291 min read


Local Chef Unveils Bold New BBQ Sauce Featuring “Authentic” Galveston Bay Water
By Cole Slawson A Houston chef is making waves in the culinary world with his latest creation—a BBQ sauce made with unfiltered Galveston...
Jan 291 min read


The Woodlands to Convert 70% of All Roads Into Tollways to Fund “Luxury Mosquito Control”
By Lane Feesman Drivers in The Woodlands will soon be paying a premium for their morning commutes, as officials announce plans to convert...
Jan 291 min read


Houston Parents Turn to Baby Crying Coaches for Next-Level Tantrums
By Pat Lament, Baby Behavior Specialist Forget basic cries — Houston parents are now hiring Baby Crying Coaches to ensure their infants...
Jan 291 min read


Chick-fil-A Announces Surprise ‘Pride Week’ Celebration—In February
By Cole Slawson In a shocking turn of events, Chick-fil-A has announced it will celebrate Pride Week during the last week of February, a...
Jan 291 min read


City Council Debates Whether Houston Really Needs More Strip Malls – Decision Delayed Indefinitely
By Mallory McMall In what has become a shocking debate, Houston’s City Council has once again postponed the decision on whether the city...
Jan 291 min read


Uncle Sam Goes Viral: Government Buys TikTok, Mandates Daily Dance Challenges
By Chip Whetstone In a bold move to “connect with the youth” and “secure democracy, one viral trend at a time,” the U.S. government has...
Jan 291 min read


Whistleblower Reveals Big Oil Companies Betting on Next Spill—And Maybe Causing Them
By Slick Gamble A shocking new report reveals that major oil companies aren’t just making money off oil—they’re allegedly making side...
Jan 291 min read


Houston Announces Speed Bump Trial on 290 Freeway to Curb Speeding
By Chase Tumble, Highway Innovation Specialist In a bold move to tackle Houston’s notorious speeding problem, the city has decided to...
Jan 291 min read


Truth Behind New “Driver” Signs in Suburban Houston Vehicles: A Secret Plan?
By Lane Turnor, The Houston Throb A new, mysterious trend has been spotted in the suburbs around Houston: vehicles with signs reading...
Jan 281 min read


Residents Demand Giant Mosquito Statue to Honor the City’s True Icon
By Buzz Woodley, The Houston Throb In a move to honor Houston’s most resilient resident, a group of locals has launched a petition for a...
Jan 281 min read


New River Oaks Development Promises Homes for Everyone—Starting at $7 Million
By Bill Highrise In a move that promises to solve Houston’s housing crisis , a new River Oaks development is offering affordable...
Jan 281 min read


Houston Declares Every Restaurant a Tex-Mex Restaurant After Controversy
By Juanita Spice, The Houston Throb In a bold move to settle the ongoing debate over Houston’s culinary identity, city officials have...
Jan 281 min read


Houston Drivers Now Required to Pass Left Lane Etiquette Class
By The Houston Throb Staff In an effort to curb the chaos on Houston’s highways, local authorities have announced that all drivers must...
Jan 281 min read
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