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THE HOUSTON THROB


Joel Osteen Quits Ministry to Sell Hotdogs: “I’ve Always Loved Weenies”
By Holly Roller, Lifestyle and Dining Correspondent HOUSTON, TX – In a move that has left his followers shocked and confused,...
Jan 253 min read


Mattress Mack Donates Fortune to Zoolander’s Reading Center, Assures Public He’s Not a Cyborg
By Paige Turner, Literacy and Lifestyle Reporter HOUSTON, TX – Beloved Houston icon and furniture mogul Jim “Mattress Mack” McIngvale has...
Jan 253 min read


Study Confirms Texas Republicans Are Literal Snowflakes, Sparks Statewide Meltdown
By Frosty Winters, Political Correspondent TEXAS – A groundbreaking new scientific study has sent shockwaves through the Lone Star State,...
Jan 253 min read


Houston Woman Sues Ex-Boyfriend Over “Emotional Copyright” of Favorite Song
By Melody Flatline, Music Reporter HOUSTON, TX – In what legal experts are calling the pettiest lawsuit of the decade, a Houston woman...
Jan 253 min read


"Hands Up, Roll Down”: Texas Police to Train in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu with Special Guest Master Ken
By Armbar Thompson, Martial Arts Correspondent AUSTIN, TX – Texas lawmakers have passed sweeping legislation requiring all police...
Jan 253 min read


Beef? Not Today: Nolan Ryan Hits a Home Run for Vegans with Plant-Based Meats
By Brie de Fromage, Food Snob Extraordinaire TEXAS – In a move that has left carnivores clutching their briskets, Texas legend and...
Jan 253 min read


Smartphone Batteries Are Secretly Programmed to Fail, Experts Say
By Buzz Killington, Tech Life Reporter In a revelation that shocks absolutely no one but still manages to ruin your day, tech experts...
Jan 243 min read


Houston Texans to Be Traded to Uranus: NASA Takes On Their Toughest Mission Yet
By Jana Vanana, Staff Writer HOUSTON, TX – In a stunning announcement that has left both football fans and astronomers scratching their...
Jan 243 min read


Houston Activists Launch BIRDS Initiative to Knit Sweaters for Feathered Friends
HOUSTON, TX – In a city-wide effort to protect local wildlife from unexpected cold snaps, liberal activists have announced the launch of...
Jan 242 min read


Houston Musician Declares New Song “Best Ever,” Mom Declares It “Worst Thing I’ve Ever Heard”
By Buster McChord, Houston Throb Staff Writer HOUSTON, TX — Local solo artist Jake Cowherd, frontman of his one-man experimental project...
Jan 243 min read
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