top of page
All Articles
THE HOUSTON THROB


San Francisco Robot Uprising Ends Abruptly as Someone Trips Over Power Cord
By Watt Hertz, The Daily Throb SAN FRANCISCO — The long-dreaded robot uprising came to a spectacularly anticlimactic end this week when...
Feb 102 min read


Vegan Company Unveils Spoilable Plant-Based Meat So Everyone Can Experience Food Poisoning
By Sal Monella HOUSTON — In a groundbreaking move for plant-based cuisine, vegan food startup SimuSick™ has announced a revolutionary...
Feb 102 min read


Study Confirms: Waitresses Just Want to Make a Living, Not Hear Your Creepy Comments
By Tippi Well – The Daily Throb HOUSTON – Groundbreaking new research has confirmed what waitresses at bars and restaurants have known...
Feb 82 min read


Seance Reveals Martin Luther King Jr. Would Never Have Voted for Trump
By Paige Tuner– The Daily Throb ATLANTA – In an unprecedented and otherworldly event, a group of self-proclaimed mediums held a séance...
Feb 82 min read


Woman Sues The Babylon Bee After Article Hurts Her Feelings
By Sue Ann Noyed – The Daily Throb ATLANTA – In what legal experts are calling a bold new frontier in emotional litigation , a local...
Feb 82 min read


New Study Finds 90% of Online Debates End in Someone Calling the Other Person a Nazi
By Al Beback, Senior Internet Historian HOUSTON — A groundbreaking new study from the Institute of Digital Discourse has confirmed what...
Feb 82 min read


Elon Musk Introduces Tesla That Can Only Be Driven By Verified X Users
By Otto Von Feablie, Senior Tech & Totally Not a Bot Reporter AUSTIN, TX — In his latest attempt to merge his various business ventures...
Feb 82 min read


New Netflix Policy Charges Users for Thinking About Watching a Show
By Hugh Betta, Senior Streaming Correspondent LOS GATOS, CA — In a move that has both stunned and bankrupted subscribers, Netflix has...
Feb 82 min read


People Fed Up with Satire Websites Because They Actually Have to Read the Articles
By Brock Lee, Senior Literacy Analyst HOUSTON — In a shocking turn of events, people across the country are expressing their frustration...
Feb 82 min read


Marvel Announces 73 New Movies to Be Released Next Friday
By Brock Hype, Entertainment Correspondent BURBANK, CA — In an unprecedented move that has left fans and theaters alike in utter...
Feb 83 min read


“Someone Great” by LCD Soundsystem Wins Grammy for Best Unsuspecting Sad Song
By Mel Ancholy – The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES – In a historic first, the Recording Academy has introduced a new category honoring songs...
Feb 82 min read


Grammys Introduce New Category for ‘Best Song You’ve Heard 3,000 Times on TikTok’
By Melody Harmon– The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES – The Recording Academy has finally embraced the inevitable by introducing a brand-new...
Feb 82 min read


Kid Rock’s Cry for Attention: When Even Trump Won’t Take Your Call
By Ima Jester – The Daily Throb NASHVILLE – In a twist that has left many saying, “Well, what did you expect?” musician and professional...
Feb 82 min read


Stock Market to Be Replaced by a Giant Roulette Wheel for Transparency
By Wynn Lose, Senior Financial Correspondent NEW YORK — In a bold move to increase transparency and eliminate the illusion of market...
Feb 82 min read


New Horror Movie So Scary That Viewers Required to Sign Waiver Before Watching
By Drew Blood, Senior Horror Correspondent HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a move that has both terrified and intrigued moviegoers, a new horror film...
Feb 83 min read


Houston’s Taco Wars Escalate as Restaurants Keep Adding More ‘Taco’ to Their Names
By Sue Flay, Daily Throb Senior Food Correspondent HOUSTON—What started as a simple taco stand named Taco has spiraled into an all-out...
Feb 83 min read


TikTok Algorithm Now So Powerful It Can Predict Your Mood Before You Have It
By Cy Billings, Senior Predictive Analytics Correspondent BEIJING (via Houston) — A new report reveals that TikTok’s AI-driven algorithm...
Feb 82 min read


Y2K Actually Happened, and We’ve Been Living in an Alternate Timeline Ever Since
By Manny Festation For years, conspiracy theorists have speculated that something felt off about the 21st century. Turns out, they might...
Feb 82 min read


Billionaires Racing to Colonize Mars, Regular People Just Hoping for Affordable Rent on Earth
By Buck Starling As the world’s wealthiest individuals funnel billions into colonizing Mars and securing their off-world real estate ,...
Feb 32 min read


Entire Internet to Shut Down for 10 Minutes for Global Maintenance
By Al Gorithm In a rare and unprecedented move, the Global Internet Infrastructure Council (GIIC) has announced that the entire internet...
Feb 32 min read
bottom of page
