New River Oaks Development Promises Homes for Everyone—Starting at $7 Million
- Bill Highrise
- Jan 28
- 1 min read
By Bill Highrise
In a move that promises to solve Houston’s housing crisis, a new River Oaks development is offering affordable luxury—for those lucky enough to have $7 million to spare.
“This is the future of housing,” said developer Chad Goldstein, pointing to the towering glass mansion rising above the bayou. “These homes are for someone out there who’s looking for that perfect blend of opulence and practicality.”
The sprawling estates come with 12 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms, a personal helicopter pad, and the latest in sustainable technology: gold-plated solar panels. “We’re keeping it green,” Goldstein assured, “but in a very expensive way.”
Potential buyers are excited about the project’s inclusivity. “It’s the perfect place for someone who doesn’t mind a commute from their second home in Aspen,” said local socialite Jennifer Throckmorton.
Critics argue the development does little to address affordable housing, but Goldstein is undeterred. “Affordable luxury for someone out there. It’s a mindset, not a price tag.”
For now, the homes remain unoccupied—except by a few concerned squirrels.