Billionaires Racing to Colonize Mars, Regular People Just Hoping for Affordable Rent on Earth

By Buck Starling

As the world’s wealthiest individuals funnel billions into colonizing Mars and securing their off-world real estate, the average person on Earth is simply hoping for an apartment with functioning plumbing that doesn’t require selling a kidney.

With space exploration now the ultimate status symbol, Mars has become the next frontier—not for scientific advancement, but for exclusive luxury compounds, zero-gravity golf courses, and VIP space clubs that regular people will never afford. Meanwhile, back on Earth, rent prices continue to climb, wages remain stagnant, and the dream of homeownership is as distant as the Red Planet itself.

Mars: The New Gated Community for the Ultra-Rich?

One private space corporation has already announced plans to establish the first Martian settlement, complete with designer space pods, curated oxygen levels, and a strict no-peasants policy. Another company is marketing a “Founders Program”, where early settlers will get prime real estate—provided they sign a lifetime work contract to maintain the colony.

Luxury space developments are also in the works, promising artificial beaches, high-end dining with freeze-dried Michelin-star meals, and a Wi-Fi signal strong enough to ignore Earth’s problems entirely.

Back on Earth, Rent Is Still Too Damn High

While billionaires prepare for their off-world escape, the rest of humanity is locked in bidding wars over apartments with “cozy” 200-square-foot layouts and a bathroom that doubles as a kitchen.

“Housing affordability? That’s a bigger fantasy than living on Mars,” said 29-year-old Jake Ramirez, who currently pays $2,500 a month for an apartment with a “shared bathroom” that’s actually just a garden hose in an alley.

Economists predict that, at this rate, Mars may actually be more affordable than San Francisco by 2040. Real estate developers have already started selling digital plots of land on Mars, while most people on Earth can’t even afford a parking spot.

The Future: Space Feudalism or a Miracle?

Critics argue that Mars colonization will simply recreate Earth’s wealth inequality in space, with the ultra-rich at the top and everyone else working 18-hour shifts mining Martian dust. Others remain hopeful that someday, space travel could be accessible to the masses—right after they figure out how to pay off their student loans.

Until then, it looks like Mars will be a billionaire’s paradise, and Earth will remain what it has always been: a place where the rich keep looking for a way out, and the rest of us keep looking for a rent-controlled apartment.