Trump Declares ‘Rock N Roll McDonald’s’ as New National Anthem
- Cole Slawson
- Feb 1
- 2 min read
By Cole Slawson
In a move that has left the nation both bewildered and bemused, President Donald Trump announced today that Wesley Willis’s cult classic, “Rock N Roll McDonald’s,” will replace “The Star-Spangled Banner” as the United States national anthem.
“It’s time to make our anthem great again,” Trump declared during a press conference at a local McDonald’s. “‘Rock N Roll McDonald’s’ speaks to the heart of America: fast food, rock and roll, and, well, McDonald’s.”
A Happy Meal of Reactions
The announcement has garnered a super-sized combo of responses. Supporters are lovin’ it, saying the change brings a fresh, modern flavor to the nation’s identity. “Finally, an anthem I can dance to at the drive-thru,” exclaimed local resident Anita Loaf.
Critics, however, are finding it hard to digest. “This is an assault on our national dignity,” said historian Angus Beef. “What’s next? Replacing the bald eagle with Ronald McDonald?”
Supersizing the Tradition
Effective immediately, “Rock N Roll McDonald’s” will be played at all official events, from congressional sessions to the Super Bowl. Schools are also updating their curriculum to teach the new anthem in music classes.
In a show of support, the U.S. military bands have already begun rehearsing their renditions. “It’s a bit unconventional, but we’re up to the challenge,” said Major Tom Atoe, conductor of the Marine Corps Band.
McDonald’s Responds
McDonald’s Corporation released a statement expressing their surprise and delight. “We are honored that our brand is now a part of American history in such a unique way.” They also announced a limited-time “National Anthem Burger” to commemorate the occasion.
A Whopper of a Future
As the nation prepares to embrace this new chapter, questions remain. Will other fast-food-themed songs make their way into official status? Only time will tell. For now, Americans are advised to brush up on their Wesley Willis lyrics and get ready to rock (and roll) at McDonald’s.
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