Thunder Is Just a God Covering Up Its Farts, Scientists Confirm

By Gale Force, Atmospheric Oddities Correspondent

In a groundbreaking revelation, a group of rogue scientists has finally provided an explanation for one of nature’s most awe-inspiring phenomena: thunder. Forget everything you learned in school about sound waves and lightning—it turns out thunder is simply a celestial cover-up for divine flatulence.

The “Thunder Theory”

According to the newly proposed “Thunder Theory,” gods in the sky occasionally let one rip, and the resulting boom is their attempt to distract us from what really happened. Lightning? That’s just the spark of embarrassment as they scramble to make their gassy faux pas seem like a grand cosmic event.

“Think about it,” said Dr. Iris Nimbus, the lead researcher. “It’s always loud, sudden, and a little unsettling—classic signs of someone trying to play it cool after an accidental toot.”

Historical Context

This theory isn’t as far-fetched as it sounds. Ancient civilizations often attributed thunder to the actions of the gods. The Norse believed it was Thor swinging his hammer, but could it have just been his post-mead digestion? Zeus was notorious for hurling lightning bolts, but maybe he was just redirecting attention away from Mount Olympus’s real rumblings.

“It’s the perfect excuse,” added Dr. Nimbus. “They’ve been hiding in plain sight for millennia, and we never questioned it.”

Implications for Modern Science

If thunder really is the sound of a godly fart, it could revolutionize the field of meteorology. Forget Doppler radar—weather reports might start including celestial diet predictions. “We’ll need to monitor things like divine chili nights or Olympian taco Tuesdays,” explained Dr. Nimbus.

How to Handle This Revelation

While this discovery is likely to ruffle a few feathers, it’s also a chance to embrace nature’s humor. Next time you hear thunder, don’t feel scared—just give the sky a knowing nod. After all, we’ve all been there.

For those interested in commemorating this cosmic truth, Amazon now carries a selection of thunder-themed gag gifts, such as the Whoopee Cushion Weather Predictor (Buy on Amazon), Fart Noise Thunderstorm Sound Machine (Buy on Amazon), and Flatulence Humor Science Poster (Buy on Amazon).

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