The Real Reason Behind the Increased Price of Eggs: A Deep-Fried Conspiracy?

By Shelly Yolks

If you’ve been clutching your wallet tighter every time you reach for a carton of eggs, you’re not alone. Egg prices have soared to absurd levels, and while the media wants you to believe it’s because of “supply chain issues” or “avian flu,” the truth is much stranger—and possibly extraterrestrial.

Yes, the price of eggs isn’t just about chickens anymore. Whistleblowers are claiming that the increase stems from a bizarre mix of government experiments, underground egg cults, and even the possibility of aliens siphoning egg energy for their mysterious cosmic purposes.

Eggs as the New Crypto?

Some insiders suggest that eggs have become the latest speculative asset, with a secret black-market trade emerging among Silicon Valley elites. “Eggcoin,” as it’s being called, is reportedly being traded on underground apps, with rare, double-yolk eggs fetching prices higher than Bitcoin.

“There’s a lot more to eggs than breakfast,” said one anonymous tech mogul. “You don’t understand their power until you’ve eaten an organic, pasture-raised egg under the light of a full moon. It’s… transformative.”

The Rise of Egg Worship

Reports have surfaced of clandestine egg-worshipping groups popping up across the country. Members, known as “Yolkers,” gather in candlelit basements to chant over cartons of free-range eggs, believing them to hold ancient cosmic energy.

“These eggs are sacred,” one Yolker explained, their face partially obscured by a homemade chicken mask. “The price hike is not about money. It’s about the divine reawakening of the Egg Mother. Big Chicken knows this, and they’re cashing in before the Great Hatching.”

Big Chicken, of course, denies any involvement in egg worship but has remained suspiciously silent on whether they’re hoarding eggs for their own cultic purposes.

Government and Aliens?

Some conspiracy theorists believe the government is hoarding eggs for secret experiments, attempting to unlock the so-called “yolk energy” thought to power advanced technologies. Theories range from egg-powered flying cars to a secret NASA mission to launch an “egg-propelled rocket.”

Even more bizarrely, fringe theorists are pointing to increased sightings of egg-shaped UFOs over major poultry farms. “The aliens have been harvesting the energy of eggs for centuries,” claimed Dr. Yolanda Whiteshell, a self-proclaimed ufologist. “We’re just now catching on. Why do you think eggs have remained unchanged for millions of years? They’re a cosmic constant.”

How Do We Escape This Omelet of Chaos?

Short of raising your own chickens (but beware: rumors say Big Chicken has infiltrated the feed industry), consumers are left with few options. Some are turning to egg alternatives like powdered eggs or plant-based substitutes, though neither seems to satisfy the mysterious urge humans now feel to possess real eggs.

One underground community has resorted to smuggling cheaper eggs across state lines, referring to it as the “Carton Cartel.” In some cases, they’ve even started bartering eggs for gas, concert tickets, and, allegedly, kidneys.

Cracking the Truth

Is this all a government cover-up? Is Big Chicken preparing for a poultry-driven dystopia? Or are we all simply part of an elaborate cosmic egg game, controlled by forces beyond our comprehension?

One thing is clear: the egg isn’t just a breakfast staple anymore. It’s a symbol of power, mystery, and maybe even the future of humanity itself. So next time you fry one up, think about what you’re really paying for—because it’s probably not just the yolk.