Texas to Legalize Weed by Renaming It “Patriot Grass”

By The Houston Throb Staff

In a move to sidestep the controversy surrounding marijuana, Texas lawmakers have announced their solution: simply rename it to “Patriot Grass.”

“We wanted a name that screams ‘freedom,’” said State Rep. Chuck Stars, who introduced the bill. “Patriot Grass embodies everything we love about Texas—freedom, independence, and a flag-waving good time.”

The rebrand includes new dispensary names like Patriot Fields and Stars & Strains, with popular strains like Red, White, and Dank and Freedom Blaze hitting the shelves.

“Everyone’s going to love it,” Stars promised. “You can’t argue with Patriot Grass. It’s in the Constitution somewhere, I’m sure of it.”

Local critics are divided, with some calling it a clever workaround and others questioning the absurdity. “It’s still weed,” said one concerned citizen. “But now, it’s weed wrapped in an American flag.”

Still, the bill has overwhelming support from Texas residents who’ve already begun celebrating with a preemptive fireworks show and several “Patriot Grass” t-shirts.

“We’re ready to roll up and roll out,” Stars concluded.

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