President Trump Freezes Federal Loans Over “Confusing” Counting Process
- Becky McFeathers
- Jan 28
- 3 min read
By The Houston Throb Staff
In an announcement that has left the nation scratching its head, President Donald Trump has declared a temporary freeze on all federal loans, citing “unacceptable confusion” surrounding the counting process for disbursements. According to Trump, the “complicated” nature of keeping track of loan numbers has led him to decide that “it’s just easier to stop everything until we figure out how to count properly.”
“I’m a numbers guy, folks,” Trump said during a press conference held at his Mar-a-Lago resort. “But I’ll be honest, this counting thing? It’s too much. I look at these forms, and there’s like… one number, then another number, then a third number—who can keep up with that? We’re just going to freeze the loans until we can make sense of it all. It’s about time we make things simple again.”
The Counting Crisis
President Trump’s comments come after a series of difficulties with tracking federal loan applications, which reportedly became “overwhelming” for the administration. According to sources within the White House, Trump was particularly upset after attempting to read a report that contained “too many numbers.”
“It was like, 500,000 here, 2 million there, 1.3 trillion over here—I’m telling you, it was like a math nightmare,” Trump said, clearly exasperated. “We need to make this simpler. Maybe just one number for every loan, like, a big number, like a hundred. Why does it have to be so complicated?”
The Loan Freeze
As a result of this counting crisis, President Trump has announced the temporary freeze on federal loans. “Until we get the numbers right, no one is getting any loans. Simple as that,” he stated. “I can’t keep track of all these loans, and neither can anyone else. Until we fix this, we’re putting everything on pause.”
While it remains unclear when the freeze will end, sources suggest that the administration is considering a radical overhaul of the loan system to simplify things. “We might just start giving people, like, a flat $5,000 or something,” Trump mused. “No forms, no complicated math—just a nice, easy number.”
Impact on Small Businesses
The loan freeze has hit small businesses particularly hard, with many entrepreneurs expressing frustration at the delay. “We were about to get some funding to expand, and now we’re stuck because the President can’t handle counting,” said Rick Seltzer, a Houston-based business owner. “It’s ridiculous. All we need is some help to grow our company, but now we’re in limbo because someone can’t do basic math.”
Despite the backlash, Trump remains steadfast in his decision, arguing that the freeze will ultimately lead to a more efficient system. “Once we get rid of all the unnecessary numbers, we’ll have the greatest loan system ever,” he claimed. “And it’ll be so simple, even I can understand it.”
Critics Respond
Political analysts have raised concerns about the impact of the freeze, with some questioning whether it is an overreaction. “This feels more like a publicity stunt than a genuine policy change,” said Dr. Linda Factual, a political strategist. “There are simple solutions to streamlining loan disbursements. But instead of fixing the system, we’re left with a freeze and a lot of confusion.”
Others pointed out that the freeze could have a negative effect on the economy, particularly for small businesses that rely on loans to survive. “Small businesses are the backbone of our economy, and they’re the ones who are going to suffer because of this,” said economist Mark Greenfield.
Looking Ahead
As the loan freeze continues, President Trump has promised to “get to the bottom of this counting problem” and return to loan disbursements as soon as possible. In the meantime, businesses are left waiting for a resolution.
“We’ll get it figured out, folks,” Trump said confidently. “Once we figure out how to count properly, the economy will be stronger than ever. Believe me.”
Stay tuned for updates as this counting crisis unfolds.
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