Florida Eliminates All Vaccine Mandates, Declares ‘Chickenpox Carnival’ Season

By Sandy Rashburn, Health Correspondent, The Daily Throb

Florida has tossed out all vaccine mandates and rolled in “Chickenpox Carnival Season,” a state-sponsored festival where “heritage germs” replace modern medicine. Governor Ron “Resistance” DeSantis hailed it as “freedom to sneeze, scratch, and bond the natural way,” as families lined up for funnel cakes dusted with actual dust and the new Measles Ferris Wheel, which spritzes riders with a mist of retro childhood illness. Parents praised the event as a return to tradition, while doctors warned it’s basically a theme park wrapped in a waiting room.

Next year’s attractions already teased include the Mumps Midway, Scarlet Fever Splash Zone, and Typhoid Teacups, ensuring Florida tourism stays as infectious as ever. Officials insist the carnival is “an immune system lottery with free parking,” though critics say the only prizes are rashes, coughs, and wristbands from urgent care. As always in the Sunshine State, why roll up your sleeve when you can roll into the Tilt-a-Whirl and come home with both a fever and a funnel cake covered in dust?