Entire Internet to Shut Down for 10 Minutes for Global Maintenance

By Al Gorithm

In a rare and unprecedented move, the Global Internet Infrastructure Council (GIIC) has announced that the entire internet will shut down for 10 minutes on March 15, 2025, at 3:00 PM UTC to conduct essential maintenance and security updates.

The shutdown, described as a “necessary system-wide refresh,” will affect all websites, apps, cloud services, and online communications worldwide. Internet providers, tech companies, and government agencies have been informed in advance to minimize disruption, but officials warn that users should prepare for temporary connectivity loss.

Why Is This Happening?

According to the GIIC, the maintenance will allow engineers to perform critical security updates, optimize global server efficiency, and clear outdated digital congestion that has accumulated over decades of continuous operation.

“The internet is essentially a living system that never stops running,” said Dr. Michael Turing, a lead engineer at GIIC. “Over time, inefficiencies build up, and periodic resets are necessary to ensure long-term stability and prevent major outages.”

Officials have assured the public that this is a precautionary measure and not in response to any specific cybersecurity threat. However, some experts speculate that the move is also aimed at enhancing protections against AI-driven cyberattacks and large-scale data breaches.

What to Expect During the Outage

From 3:00 PM to 3:10 PM UTC on March 15, internet users will experience a complete loss of online services, including:

✔ No websites or apps (Google, Facebook, YouTube, etc.)

✔ No online banking or cloud services

✔ No messaging apps (WhatsApp, iMessage, email, etc.)

✔ No online gaming or streaming

Television, radio, and traditional phone services will not be affected, and emergency response systems have been prepped to function independently of the outage.

How to Prepare

Tech companies advise that users should:

• Download any essential files in advance if they rely on cloud storage.

• Take screenshots of important travel or financial information they may need during the blackout.

• Expect a temporary delay in automated online transactions, such as stock trading and cryptocurrency exchanges.

Will This Happen Again?

While GIIC has not announced future scheduled maintenance, officials indicate that regular internet-wide updates may become more common as global data usage continues to skyrocket. This is also just a satirical news article so this will probably never happen - I hope.

Following the brief outage, users should expect no significant changes in internet performance, but security updates and backend optimizations should lead to a more stable and efficient global network.

For now, experts recommend treating the shutdown as a brief inconvenience rather than a cause for alarm.

“Think of it like rebooting your Wi-Fi router,” Dr. Turing explained. “Only this time, it’s the entire internet.”