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THE HOUSTON THROB


Grammys Introduce New Category for ‘Best Song You’ve Heard 3,000 Times on TikTok’
By Melody Harmon– The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES – The Recording Academy has finally embraced the inevitable by introducing a brand-new...
Feb 82 min read


New Horror Movie So Scary That Viewers Required to Sign Waiver Before Watching
By Drew Blood, Senior Horror Correspondent HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a move that has both terrified and intrigued moviegoers, a new horror film...
Feb 83 min read


TikTok Algorithm Now So Powerful It Can Predict Your Mood Before You Have It
By Cy Billings, Senior Predictive Analytics Correspondent BEIJING (via Houston) — A new report reveals that TikTok’s AI-driven algorithm...
Feb 82 min read


Y2K Actually Happened, and We’ve Been Living in an Alternate Timeline Ever Since
By Manny Festation For years, conspiracy theorists have speculated that something felt off about the 21st century. Turns out, they might...
Feb 82 min read


Real Estate Agent Begs Homeowner to Stop Living Like a Goblin Before Listing House
By Buck Rivers Local real estate agent Kelly Dawson is considering a career change—possibly something less stressful, like lion...
Feb 23 min read


U.S. to Outlaw All Satire Websites, Citing ‘Too Many People Believe The Onion’
By Paige Turner In a shocking yet completely believable move, the U.S. government has announced plans to outlaw all satire websites ,...
Feb 21 min read


Psychologists Reveal Phrases That Make People Sound Like Crybabies Who Just Want to Yell at Clouds
By Hugh Jass In a groundbreaking study that the GOP will probably refuse to read, psychologists have revealed that the use of certain...
Feb 23 min read


More Tolls Are Coming Across the USA, and You Can’t Stop Them
By Rick O’Shea | The Daily Throb The American highway system is about to get a lot more expensive, and there’s nothing you can do about...
Feb 11 min read


AI Music Sensation Announces World Tour—Will Just Be a Computer Sitting on Stage
By Chip Hertz In a groundbreaking moment for the music industry, AI-generated artist SynthG0d_3000 has announced a highly anticipated...
Feb 12 min read


President Trump Appoints Chef Gordon Ramsay as School Lunch Czar
By Sue Flay In a move that’s left both political pundits and culinary critics scratching their heads—and possibly sharpening their...
Jan 312 min read


New Study Confirms: Reading Just the Headline Is Basically the Same as Doing In-Depth Research
By Cliff Notz A groundbreaking new study—one that you definitely don’t need to read past this sentence to fully understand—has confirmed...
Jan 312 min read


Houston Café Introduces 15% Discount for Self-Service Customers, Economy Collapses
By Chip T. Wallet HOUSTON, TX – In a groundbreaking move that economists are calling “either revolutionary or completely unnecessary,”...
Jan 311 min read


Newly Discovered Amendment ‘Separation of Church and State’ Was Just a Prank
By Paige Turner In a shocking historical revelation, a previously missing page from the U.S. Constitution’s amendments has surfaced, and...
Jan 312 min read


Yogurt Voted America’s Favorite Food to Buy, Forget, and Toss
By Moe Dairyman In a landslide victory, yogurt has been officially crowned America’s favorite food to purchase with the best of...
Jan 302 min read


Local Brewery Unveils New Beer Inspired by Houston Summers—It’s Just Watered-Down Lager Served Hot
By Ale Xander In a bold and slightly baffling move, Houston’s own Space City Brewery has unveiled its newest creation, “Scorcher,” a beer...
Jan 302 min read


Houston Woman Marries Alexa in Unlikely Ceremony
By Crystal Clear In an unexpected turn of events that left wedding planners and tech enthusiasts scratching their heads, Houston resident...
Jan 302 min read


U.S. National Anthem to Be Rewritten in Black Metal Style for “More Intensity and Fury”
By Frostbite McScreech, The Houston Throb In a move that’s left both music enthusiasts and patriots puzzled, the United States government...
Jan 302 min read


Texans Reveal Bold Strategy: “What If We Actually Tried to Win Next Year?”
By Gridiron Gary, The Houston Throb In a shocking press conference that left fans both baffled and excited, the Houston Texans unveiled...
Jan 302 min read


City Announces New Seasonal Calendar: “Hot, Less Hot, Slightly Cold for 36 Hours, Then Back to Hot”
By Sunny Burns After years of debate, Houston officials have finally abandoned traditional seasons in favor of a more “realistic”...
Jan 302 min read


City Launches “Adopt a Pothole” Program After Running Out of Repair Funds
In a bold new initiative, Houston officials have introduced an “Adopt a Pothole” program, allowing residents to take personal ownership...
Jan 301 min read
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