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THE HOUSTON THROB


People Fed Up with Satire Websites Because They Actually Have to Read the Articles
By Brock Lee, Senior Literacy Analyst HOUSTON — In a shocking turn of events, people across the country are expressing their frustration...
Feb 82 min read


Marvel Announces 73 New Movies to Be Released Next Friday
By Brock Hype, Entertainment Correspondent BURBANK, CA — In an unprecedented move that has left fans and theaters alike in utter...
Feb 83 min read


“Someone Great” by LCD Soundsystem Wins Grammy for Best Unsuspecting Sad Song
By Mel Ancholy – The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES – In a historic first, the Recording Academy has introduced a new category honoring songs...
Feb 82 min read


Grammys Introduce New Category for ‘Best Song You’ve Heard 3,000 Times on TikTok’
By Melody Harmon– The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES – The Recording Academy has finally embraced the inevitable by introducing a brand-new...
Feb 82 min read


New Horror Movie So Scary That Viewers Required to Sign Waiver Before Watching
By Drew Blood, Senior Horror Correspondent HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a move that has both terrified and intrigued moviegoers, a new horror film...
Feb 83 min read


Houston’s Taco Wars Escalate as Restaurants Keep Adding More ‘Taco’ to Their Names
By Sue Flay, Daily Throb Senior Food Correspondent HOUSTON—What started as a simple taco stand named Taco has spiraled into an all-out...
Feb 83 min read


TikTok Algorithm Now So Powerful It Can Predict Your Mood Before You Have It
By Cy Billings, Senior Predictive Analytics Correspondent BEIJING (via Houston) — A new report reveals that TikTok’s AI-driven algorithm...
Feb 82 min read


Y2K Actually Happened, and We’ve Been Living in an Alternate Timeline Ever Since
By Manny Festation For years, conspiracy theorists have speculated that something felt off about the 21st century. Turns out, they might...
Feb 82 min read


Real Estate Agent Begs Homeowner to Stop Living Like a Goblin Before Listing House
By Buck Rivers Local real estate agent Kelly Dawson is considering a career change—possibly something less stressful, like lion...
Feb 23 min read


Groundhog Sees Shadow, Declares Six More Weeks of Late-Stage Capitalism
By Phil Burrows Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow today, took one look at the state of the world, and immediately called for six...
Feb 21 min read


U.S. to Outlaw All Satire Websites, Citing ‘Too Many People Believe The Onion’
By Paige Turner In a shocking yet completely believable move, the U.S. government has announced plans to outlaw all satire websites ,...
Feb 21 min read


Psychologists Reveal Phrases That Make People Sound Like Crybabies Who Just Want to Yell at Clouds
By Hugh Jass In a groundbreaking study that the GOP will probably refuse to read, psychologists have revealed that the use of certain...
Feb 23 min read


More Tolls Are Coming Across the USA, and You Can’t Stop Them
By Rick O’Shea | The Daily Throb The American highway system is about to get a lot more expensive, and there’s nothing you can do about...
Feb 11 min read


13-Year-Old Creates AI Chatbot to Handle Annoying Parental Questions—Parents Don’t Realize They’ve Been Talking to a Robot for Months
By Jenna Rater A 13-year-old tech prodigy has successfully outsourced all parent-child communication to artificial intelligence, allowing...
Feb 11 min read


AI Music Sensation Announces World Tour—Will Just Be a Computer Sitting on Stage
By Chip Hertz In a groundbreaking moment for the music industry, AI-generated artist SynthG0d_3000 has announced a highly anticipated...
Feb 12 min read


Texans Blame Traffic Jams on Newcomers, Even Though It’s Always Been This Bad
By The Houston Throb Staff In a shocking twist, Houstonians are once again blaming their traffic woes on newcomers, despite decades of...
Feb 11 min read


New Law Allows Inner-City Families to Use Any Neighborhood Pool
By Wade Waters In an unprecedented move, lawmakers have passed legislation allowing inner-city families to use any neighborhood pool, a...
Feb 12 min read


Cops Can’t Give You a Ticket If You Get to Base, Rules Supreme Court
By Chase Dashmore In a landmark ruling that is sure to shake the foundation of law enforcement, the Supreme Court has determined that...
Feb 12 min read


Trump Declares ‘Rock N Roll McDonald’s’ as New National Anthem
By Cole Slawson In a move that has left the nation both bewildered and bemused, President Donald Trump announced today that Wesley...
Feb 12 min read


President Trump Appoints Chef Gordon Ramsay as School Lunch Czar
By Sue Flay In a move that’s left both political pundits and culinary critics scratching their heads—and possibly sharpening their...
Jan 312 min read
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