Tucker Downtrodden

By Paige Turne In what officials are calling “the most self-evident discovery in scientific history,” a new report has confirmed that autism is linked to autism. The revelation came after a team of researchers—well, one guy with a clipboard—announced they had finally cracked the code. “After years of investigation, we determined autistic people tend to… also be autistic,” he explained proudly, as if unveiling the cure for gravity. Pressed for clarification, he added, “You see, when someone...

By Tucker Downtrodden, Daily Throb’s Chief Expert in Poor Life Choices They say “how you start your morning sets the tone for the rest of...